tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-81954667936479594972024-03-13T11:24:59.536-07:00Zsaquez's Random RantsZsaquezhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02408343887455515351noreply@blogger.comBlogger4125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8195466793647959497.post-91171625640234812362010-04-29T12:25:00.000-07:002010-04-29T14:19:09.201-07:00My therapy. My art.<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_S9HItdJaz1U/S9n0HVPur7I/AAAAAAAAAA4/TewhbDXo5tE/s1600/my+art.jpg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_S9HItdJaz1U/S9n0HVPur7I/AAAAAAAAAA4/TewhbDXo5tE/s320/my+art.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5465668029590187954" /></a>Zsaquezhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02408343887455515351noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8195466793647959497.post-67861222168188934002010-04-28T15:25:00.000-07:002010-04-28T15:28:44.694-07:00Leap<span style="font-family:georgia;color:#666666;">Screaming in a sound proof booth<br />My voice ringing loudly, yet mute<br />No one hears me; my cries trapped in a cage<br />Bellowing from my soul; trying to release this rage<br />But as a tree falling in the forest that no one hears<br />I’m shouting at the top of my lungs but crying silent tears<br />Not one can hear, not one can see<br />Because this encasing still resembles me<br />But it muffles the quiet longings of my spirit<br />Drowns out my thunderous cry and no one hears it<br />I desperately want relief; to unleash this suffocating sorrow<br />But the haze has me blinded; I can’t see tomorrow<br />I’m stuck in this moment of paralyzing nothingness<br />Hoping that someone will save me from this mess<br />I pray God where are you? Why can’t I feel you?<br />No response. Dead silence. What am I to do?<br />I know I should be still and wait for His word<br />But in my kicking and screaming; I just want to be heard<br />Like a child seeking his parent's attention<br />I just really need my daddy to listen<br />To give me an answer, Lord show me a sign<br />Tell me what to do; please ease my troubled mind<br />I surrender my all in my lamentation<br />I beg for release; plead for liberation<br />These walls closing in but I’m planning my escape<br />I’m no longer afraid; I know what it’s going to take<br />So I leap…</span>Zsaquezhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02408343887455515351noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8195466793647959497.post-68230415998085215762009-07-09T21:51:00.000-07:002009-07-09T21:56:08.014-07:0003/07/09Dwelling in shadows use to frighten me<br />Couldn't fathom my life without the light<br />Somehow the shadows became my comfort<br />And alone, I would walk the night<br />Afraid of me and what I was to become<br />Terrified of my thoughts and desires<br />Paranoid that everyone could see me<br />Buried Zsaquez, and instead played the liar<br />Wanting to conform and play it safe<br />But in that safety lie the actual danger<br />In jeopardy of losing the authentic me<br />Becoming resentful and full of anger<br />Blanketed by sheets of darkness<br />That somehow gave me solace<br />Enabled me to wake up and pretend<br />That I was living but dying non the less<br />From time to time I’d see glimmers of light<br />But fear would cripple and paralyze me<br />Leaving me still alone in the darkness<br />Never becoming who I was meant to be<br />Only an illusion, a mirage, someone else’s creation<br />Though intelligent and pleasing to the eye<br />Internally flawed and emotionally broken<br />With not a soul around to hear the desperate cry<br />After decades of life void of the light<br />Illumination finally found its residence<br />Freeing my soul to live and to love<br />To simply be who I am without pretense<br />Love it or hate it, accept or reject<br />I make no apologies so if you choose the latter<br />I have chosen to ride the luminous rays<br /> To escape the darkness and lies that have shattered<br />Who I was, who I am and who I will soon become<br />Liberated, the veil has finally lifted<br />So though you may choose not to journey along<br />I walk, actually I run and I dance free and unrestrictedZsaquezhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02408343887455515351noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8195466793647959497.post-92160480632766054142009-07-09T21:35:00.000-07:002009-07-09T21:36:29.949-07:00Distorted VoicesIt’s been such a hard journey seeking His face, His will and His plan with all of life’s distractions. An empty bank account, broken relationship, fruitless job search, piles of unpaid bills, friends and family’s needs and a raging internal battle between what is right and what feels right have prevented me from fulfilling that mission.<br />With countless distractions, it has become so difficult to connect to my creator the way my heart desires. I try to listen for His voice, but there are so many other voices in my head drowning out the only voice that truly matters. I hear my children plead for things I cannot provide at this time, I hear my partner imploring for more attention and affection and I hear my flesh yearn for its desires to be fulfilled while everyone around me is also seeking time, attention and advice. In the midst of life’s chaos, God is speaking to me.<br />God is speaking. I try to find the calm within me, quiet the distractions that distort His voice, but they are overwhelming me and crippling my connection. I try to find time for just He and me, but I am never alone, and in the rare moments that I am, I am so exhausted and sleep overtakes me. I am yearning within to reconnect, but there just seems to be so much commotion all around me all of the time.<br />So I recommit to Him, pledging my time, my thoughts and my heart to Him. I reclaim my life from the pitfalls that have consumed my being so that I can see the face of my father more clearly and realign my life with His will and my heart with the beat of His. I know that it is the only way for my joy and my smile to be authentic and pure. I know it is the only way that I will truly walk in my purpose and fulfill my destiny, so today I recommit to reconnect…watch what happens…Zsaquezhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02408343887455515351noreply@blogger.com0